My Thoughts On Important Things

So long it has been...

2006-11-24T16:52:00.000-08:00

Ah it feels like a lifetime since last i wrote on this quaint blog... so much has happened. None of which i can be bothered to write.

So. Instant mash is great innit? Specially as i can't have the old milk in normal mash it just isn't the same, so the instant kind is super for me in my lactose intolerance phase.

Good stuff. Will report further in due course.

Peace out

ciao

x

I want to be SheRah

2006-08-14T02:34:00.000-07:00

Hey ho. So the year has come to an end and i find myself worn out, worn down and confused... yet bizarrely jolly.

Two week long camps later and my confidence has been lifted, maybe i can do my job after all... although i'm now yearning to work for Christian Aid and shock horror - older Christian kids.

This past week i have mostly said goodbye to miss katie before she flies off to NY forever, slept, eaten toasted chocolate spread and peanut butter sandwiches, been on the net, discovering myspace, sleeping, watching movies and contemplating things.

Had deep thoughts about the relationship side of things... that was enlightening but refreshing. At last i think i've come to a place where i think i might just be capable of a healthy relationship. maybe. hopefully. at least i'm more aware of my weaknesses and habits. that's a start.

This week i'm popping back to Essex to see my homies i hope, staying with my beloved nan since my parents have abandoned me.

And then starteth the new chapter, as part time administrator and part time youth and children's worker, while getting my head down and actually finishing my counselling course. i'm feeling positive which is nice.

My life remains a tad complex, but then i don't know what i'd do if it wasn't...

Also i want to be SheRah. Or at least have some powers. I really really want to be able to stop time... wake up in the morning - want more sleep, no problem. Running late - bob's your uncle, you're on time having freshened up and had a coffee. I can only pray.

Ciao
x

Orphaned

2006-07-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

Ok a little dramatic but nonetheless the parental units have naffed off to Uganda leaving me and my idiot brother defenceless. Woe is me.
Not much else to write as such, all is a changin and i'm pretty used to it by now. Ho hum.

x

I'm fairly sure this is what i want...

2006-05-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

And so it's been the most bizarre week in a long time...

I'm currently installing a new carpet in my life and it's changing the whole atmosphere in the room that is me.

So here's the carpet as it stands (aka things i'm sure of):
1. God is good
2. Who am I? = God is with me. There's that identity I've been looking so hard for.
3. I really like red wine.
4. I really need to be single.
5. It doesn't matter what career/partner/life i choose or find myself in as long as i keep rooted in God
6. Life's better when you're perspective changes and the only thing that's important is learning to dwell more and more in God
7. My brother's a twonk and needs to give in to God
8. Some people for various reasons are wary of me... and that's ok because i'm gonna try my hardest to have integrity and behave myself in all situations
9. I have a rather naughty and mischievous streak and i'm not letting go of it
10. My hair has grown remarkably long and i was pleasantly shocked when i straightened it for the first time in ages.

So although i am a Laura with many issues, indeed a baggage lady, I'm happy. And i have hope. And a few of the big choices i've made of late appear to have been the right ones for a change.

And now a chorus of bind us together... all together now

ciao

x

Someone stole my carpet...

2006-05-03T12:06:00.001-07:00

Mmmm due to rude comments left on my last post i shall be making even less effort with this one. Let that be a lesson to you.

So today i am mostly feeling bunged up and croaky, and much like something really significant and life changing happened and i was late and missed it...

my newly single status has left me numb and wondering whether i'll ever actually be capable of a meaningful real relationship...but that's far too deep for now. My parents abandoning me to them Africans and my ER buddy running away to who knows where all adds to my feelings of rootlessness.

Also it has been covertly brought to my attention that i really rely on people for my identity and worth, namely boyfriends. And for the first time I am left with no one to lean on for affirmation like i'm used to. And how do i feel? pants. And it's been all but a day since my world finished it's pulling out of rug act and i'm completely lost. And it turns out i cry. To top it all off i'm a right girl.

So what from here? well one does wonder, i remember the frivolous times of hamster versus llama and oh how i mourn those simpler days.

I think i shall become a baptist nun.

Supercalfrag...stuff it

2006-03-29T07:52:00.000-08:00

Well it's has been a while. What a year of ups and downs thus far.
Work has been hard but amazing, tiring but challenging and i suspect i may have grown up a fair bit. I am now 21 years old which is actually pretty ok. My birthday rocked which was a relief and blessing and lovely thing.

Went to Senegal - didn't want to come back. Spent my time there truly being myself, realised what that was actually like.

Realising how truly awful i am at keeping in touch with people i once had meaningful relationships with, and noticing how few meaningful relationships i have left.

Parents are moving to Africa in the summer, safety net being yanked out but not a bad thing.

Feeling happy but subdued, hence lack of proper eloquent sentences. i chose to express through statements.

Teaching about sex, abstinence, self esteem and identity at the moment. Intimacy comes from transparency which comes from vulnerability which comes from trust which comes from communication which is the basis of a healthy relationship. How the heck am i supposed to do all that? With time, God and a very understanding partner i suppose. Goodness me i'm supposed to be the teacher and i'm struggling myself, although i suppose that's my biggest resource as well as thorn in my side. La di da...

You know when you feel detached from your body, my mind is numb and my body's on auto pilot...

Bring on a holiday at Easter.

Til then

Ciao
x

Is it Christmas? Really? Gosh I just hadn't noticed.

2005-12-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

Shockingly enough i am rather cynical about Christmas being shoved down my throat since October, and fed up of the ignorance sourrounding me... just today I was asked why we bothered to sing carols at the Christmas Carol Services, why couldn't we stick to the traditional Christmas songs like White Christmas and Do they know it's Christmas...

I won't go off on one fear not. Needless to say I find myself reluctant to enter into the spirit of a season which has had it's identity taken over by Bob Geldof and Marks and Spencers.

Anywho almost done for this term and indeed 2005 - work is coming to a climax with Sunday morning's service involving me rushing into the church interrupting the minister and telling him to stop dulling down the Christmas story and missing the point...it shall be refreshing, i look forward to it.

If anyone is expecting a Christmas card or shock horror a present you might want to lower your expectations, i'm lazy, broke and making a stand against commercialism. though mainly the first two.

Well i'm sure i will become jolly when i feel less harrassed and i get my kidney fixed... if i forget to write again, have a Merry Christmas and embrace the New Year!!!

ciao
x

mmmmmmmmmmbonjour

2005-10-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

Another day, another night...

So it's a brand new year, everyone i'd just started to tolerate has left, and lots more new people to not understand my sense of humour have come. joy joy. have uploaded a beautious picture of my old team mates in homage to them surviving.
Actually everything's going swimmingly. Suspicious.

I'm having a when's it all gonna go wrong phase at the moment. but i'll get over it no doubt. what a problem to have...

so. turns out i'm not a fan of dairylea slices. not a patch on laughing cow triangles and they refuse to melt over my spag bol. criminal.

final thought for today. the swear word a*e. i am regularly offended by it, often mocked about it, and every night cry myself to sleep cos of the damage done by it. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

ciao

i don't think i remember how to write...

2005-07-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

well hello. Thought I'd hello to all those who are still bothering to check if i've posted...
It's been a while yes indeed and what a lot has happened.
I've been to New York and back, London a fair bit, Bath and even Torquay.

I'm rather tired right now, so don't count on reading any amusing and witty takes on life for i haven't got the energy!
Had to run away for a weekend a few weeks ago cos i was properly exhausted but work although plentyful has been going really well, nowt to report there as such.

Been a rather trying week although my smile and jollity has stayed firmly in place while in company which of course means everything's ok. Had a 'standing outside my front door at past midnight wondering who what when and why moment' on wednesday. that was fun. it's funny how these blog things seem to find themselves being a place to let off steam safe in the knowledge anyone who stumbles across it won't have a clue what you're on about...
i have found myself in the middle of a big black mess based on the other side of the country, i'm playing shoulder to grieve on, detective, counsellor, peacemaker, troubleshooter, friend, confidant, perspective giver - and in all this i carry on as normal trying to listen to the young people i work with telling me how awful their lives are because they only got 82% on their maths test, or how someone keeps calling them a boffin...i am of course sympathetic to the pleas of the objects of my chosen profession but still. This week has been trying.
And in it all i am still the strong one, everyone assumes i'm fine, expects me to be the funny one organising everyone else - when exactly am i going to get a moment to stop and remember and realise...?
i know that was vague and indulgent but quite frankly i care not.

Give me a few days and i'll be back to my frivolous self. only a month to go til this year finishes, the team changes - my girls leave me to be replaced by boys and then it all starts again.

Mr Turner and I were making gunge in readiness for our camp 'Reinvention' on Monday, that was fun, ooh i can't wait. I even got sent a rapping hamster after asking around if anyone had a toy one to film for one of the features in our evening entertainment - The Hamster Chronicles - two vermin try to take over the world (based on a true story).

If anyone wants to come - Reinvention ; 25th-29th July in Exmouth, Devon. plug plug plug...

I'm gonna go poke some kiddies now, that'll solve everything...

ciao

This time next week I will no longer be invincible...

2005-02-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

I haven't fallen off the edge of the planet fear not. i am just lazy. And also have the slowest pc in the northern hemisphere.

So how have i been i hear you cry? Well i've had insomnia, a stomach bug, proper flu (as opposed to a man cold) and a throat infection all in the space of 6 weeks. But i am merry, i am healthy, rested, with dark red hair and enjoying the wonders of broadband...in short i've escaped devon.

I am currently sitting in the student centre of LST (formerly london bible college rah rah) with the laptop i refer to as the other woman on my lap as i listen to the mumbles and murmerings of new testament greek seeping into the short term memory of one so kind as to take me out to dinner last night.
I escaped Exmouth on Friday morning, spent the weekend being sat on by my imbecile brother, shopping with my nan and mother for a dress, hearing about how wonderful and bargainous the purchased dress is, watching rugby, being proudly Irish, and sitting on trains. Ah to be back in the South East - oh how obvious it becomes that blessed Exmouth is running ten times slower than the rest of the country, i have found myself floundering with flusteredness as i try and catch up with the real world. Not that exmouth isn't real...or is it....

I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of a very special American tomorrow who has the joy of staying with my parentals in my bed - which i have only just discovered after this weekend is smaller than an average single bed. Tis very uncomfortable. so yeah, fun and games. This Saturday is the LST Spring Ball at which the afore mentioned dress shall be aired, i think i shall have to practice walking in heels and sitting like a lady...goodness i'm gonna have to eat properly too.

And Sunday - oh yes - i turn twenty. that's 20. if one more person tells me it's all downhill from here i may cry for the third time this year. my average is already way more than previous years so quite frankly a violent outburst is both more desirable and likely.

And now i must go, gonna surf the net while it takes less than a week to load.

Ciao

Anyone notice I was gone?!

2004-12-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

Ok so I haven't written. But let's face it, you don't send me flowers... oh boy i've lost it.......

While some people have been spending Christmas with their computers, some of us namely ME have been stuck in a cottage in the middle of nowhere up some unmade track with no signal, only family and sheep for company and with only a piddly fire for heat. Oh the boredom - i slept inbetween the compulsory family meals and family bonding games. Trivial Pursuit was particulary tense. Beat my whole family including my nan oh yes at table tennis. who rocks that's right me.
My mum knitted me mittens for Christmas, wee bit on the long side but awfully cool nonetheless.

I've been back in Essex for one day, met up with my chums who are great if students and got hugged by random children i used to teach and who's names i couldn't for the life of remember. Think i blagged it good though.

Am off again to East Sussex tomorrow for New Years which I am very very much looking forward to of course for no reason in particular...mmmm more presents....
On that note - if anyone has an tips on how to impress the in-laws do let me know, I'm terrified!?!

Today i have straight hair, tomorrow i will have curly hair. The mysteries of life ay, gotta have a chuckle int ya.

Good to read about all your holiday fun and games, keep it coming, although Matthew Turner if you insist on using the word 'ace' you know what a pummelin you'll get don't you?!

Ok must find clean clothes..........

The Question is... does size matter?

2004-12-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

When it comes to the llama v hamster debate of course.

I'm inclined to think that those on the side of small rodents may be either brainwashed or a wee bit dippy - as wise as a piece of cheese you might say. People - llamas are the new black. It's not rocket science. And anyway hamsters are soooo last season...

Anywho my thoughts turn to savoury delights - cheese doritos v marmite twiglets? Both good in a sandwich and with a pint and yet so different. Anyone who hasn't tried them both together in a sandwich with a soft cheese such as laughing cow is truly missing out. But if i had to choose, I just don't know which one it'd be.

Finally i am relishing my role this week as King Herod and have been recommended for panto. What an honour. Just need to find one with a lunatic baby killing 2000 year old King and i am sorted.

ciao

Llamas v Hamsters - who will win!?

2004-12-07T15:48:00.000-08:00

So i suppose slagging off my team mates on my blogette is out of the question ? Oh well.

I've been nagged to add to my blog, I knew this was gonna be a pain...

This week i have been mostly threatening children and stroking my team's arms in an attempt to be affectionate and sympathetic to their tactile needs. And I was in character as King Herod while threatening the blessed kiddies...well kind of.

It occurs to me that the title of my blog suggests I have thoughts on important issues but right now my brain is mush (no one say anything) so you'll have to wait. If you do have an interesting thought to share with me do let me know. I realise that some of you dear people (there's more than one of you ya slackers) can't be bothered to create a blog just so they can post comments, but do email me instead.

Finally please pray for Matt, he's a little - let's call it confused. But sings the Spice Girls' 'Two Become One' very nicely. Well done you Matthew. (hehe that's for calling me b**f**e)

ciao for now.

Thought Number 1

2004-12-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

It occurs to me that people really do enjoy talking about themselves. You ask someone their life story they will be away for a good while. And now we have blogs. More opportunities to reflect on ourselves with the upstarted idea that other people want to know. Well. If you can't beat them...join them. Here's my blog.